Quiet: The Power of Introverts
in a World That Can't Stop Talking
by Susan Cain
“It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” --Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Our lives are shaped as profoundly by personality as by gender or race. And the single most important aspect of personality is where we fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. Our place on this continuum influences our choice of friends and coworkers, how we make conversation, resolve differences, and show love. It affects the careers we choose and whether or not we succeed at them."
Introverts have a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating environment, tend to enjoy quiet concentration, listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and typically have a more circumspect and cautious approach to risk. Susan Cain notes that between one-third and one-half of Americans may be classified as introverts, though individuals fall at different places along an introvert-extrovert spectrum.
According to Cain, in a culture that is biased against them, the issue is introverts are pressured to act like extroverts instead of embracing their serious, often quiet and reflective style.
"Whenever you try to pass as something you’re not, you lose a part of yourself along the way. You especially lose a sense of how to spend your time."
"Whenever you try to pass as something you’re not, you lose a part of yourself along the way. You especially lose a sense of how to spend your time."
Susan Cain, a successful negotiation specialist in business law, uses her personal experiences as a foundation for her message that modern Western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people, leading to "a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness."
Her book presents a history of how modern culture has transformed from a culture of character to a culture of personality in which an "extrovert ideal" dominates and introversion is viewed as inferior or even pathological. Her book outlines the advantages and disadvantages of each temperament, and demonstrates that introversion is both common and normal, noting that many of humankind's most creative individuals and distinguished leaders were introverts.
Her book presents a history of how modern culture has transformed from a culture of character to a culture of personality in which an "extrovert ideal" dominates and introversion is viewed as inferior or even pathological. Her book outlines the advantages and disadvantages of each temperament, and demonstrates that introversion is both common and normal, noting that many of humankind's most creative individuals and distinguished leaders were introverts.
"There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas--
I mean zero."--Susan Cain, First TED talk, 2012.
I mean zero."--Susan Cain, First TED talk, 2012.
Susan Cain's research suggests collective thinking approaches not only favor dominant extroverts, but that relying on brainstorming is a mistake, arguing that serious original thought and the expertise that generates it are almost always individual. Cain asserts many people are more creative when they enjoy privacy and freedom from interruption, the implication being that enforced teamwork can stifle creativity.
“Whoever you are, bear in mind that appearance is not reality. Some people act like extroverts, but the effort costs them energy, authenticity, and even physical health. Others seem aloof or self-contained, but their inner landscapes are rich and full of drama. So the next time you see a person with a composed face and a soft voice, remember that inside her mind she might be solving an equation, composing a sonnet, designing an invention. She might, that is, be deploying the powers of quiet.”
Susan Cain is not seeking introvert domination but a better balance and inclusion of different work styles, acknowledging that big ideas and great leadership can come from either personality type. She shares studies showing that introverts are better at leading proactive employees because they listen to them and let them run with their ideas, while extroverts are better at leading passive employees because they have a knack for motivation and inspiration.
Her point is not that introverts are inherently superior or that we should all shroud ourselves in solitude, but that diversity provides balance and makes for a fuller, richer world. Cain emphasizes that the key to maximizing talents is to put yourself into the zone of stimulation that’s right for you and support others around you in doing the same.
Susan Cain has launched "The Quiet Revolution" to urge changes at the workplace, in schools, and in parenting; offers advice to introverts for functioning in an extrovert-dominated culture; and offers advice in communication, work, and personal relationships between people of differing temperament.
The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting.
For some, it's a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk.
Use your natural powers -- of persistence, concentration, and insight --
to do work you love and work that matters.
Solve problems. make art, think deeply.”
QUIET CREATIVITY
One of introverts’ great superpowers is our ability to dive deeply into a project and focus for long stretches. Combine this with our creative drive, and the results can be powerful, leading us down unexpected and quite wonderful paths. You may choose to keep the results of these excursions under lock and key, or you may want to share them with the world. But either way, learning to express yourself with honesty, confidence, and heart will be so rewarding.
FIND YOUR MEDIUM: Maybe you’ll discover an app for creating beats, or a recipe that inspires you to bake something totally new. Maybe all you need is a sharpened pencil for writing or drawing. Try to identify the means of self-expression that feels natural and exciting to you.
PRODUCE: Once you’ve identified this calling, pursue it with energy and passion. Throw yourself into it. Practice, practice, practice.
SEEK INSPIRATION IN ROLE MODELS AND ALLIES: Finding role models who are also introverted can show you that your goals are achievable. There are people just like you who have been widely recognized for their creativity, charisma, and intelligence. (Many are profiled on the Quiet Revolution website, Quietrev.com.)
CLAIM PRIVACY: Some diaries are never meant to be read, and some projects are for you and you alone. Create a safe space to write or create without worrying about what anyone else thinks. Enjoy having projects all to yourself . . .
BUT DON’T FORGET TO SHARE: Let others see and hear what’s going on inside your head. Often, people hesitate to share because they’re afraid of criticism. But try showing your work to a friend or two. Feedback can be helpful, and you might be surprised by how supportive and appreciative people can be.
FIND YOUR MEDIUM: Maybe you’ll discover an app for creating beats, or a recipe that inspires you to bake something totally new. Maybe all you need is a sharpened pencil for writing or drawing. Try to identify the means of self-expression that feels natural and exciting to you.
PRODUCE: Once you’ve identified this calling, pursue it with energy and passion. Throw yourself into it. Practice, practice, practice.
SEEK INSPIRATION IN ROLE MODELS AND ALLIES: Finding role models who are also introverted can show you that your goals are achievable. There are people just like you who have been widely recognized for their creativity, charisma, and intelligence. (Many are profiled on the Quiet Revolution website, Quietrev.com.)
CLAIM PRIVACY: Some diaries are never meant to be read, and some projects are for you and you alone. Create a safe space to write or create without worrying about what anyone else thinks. Enjoy having projects all to yourself . . .
BUT DON’T FORGET TO SHARE: Let others see and hear what’s going on inside your head. Often, people hesitate to share because they’re afraid of criticism. But try showing your work to a friend or two. Feedback can be helpful, and you might be surprised by how supportive and appreciative people can be.
THE QUIET ATHLETE
PRACTICE ALONE: Embrace solitude as a time to both enhance your skills and restore your mental energy.
STUDY YOUR GAME: Channel your ability to focus, and apply that to your sport. Build a deeper understanding of your game or event. Use the principles of deliberate practice (that likely come naturally to you) to improve and excel.
EXERCISE SOLO: Yoga, running, walking, climbing, sit-ups. These are all exercises you can do for free, on your own, in your bedroom or outside.
STUDY YOUR GAME: Channel your ability to focus, and apply that to your sport. Build a deeper understanding of your game or event. Use the principles of deliberate practice (that likely come naturally to you) to improve and excel.
EXERCISE SOLO: Yoga, running, walking, climbing, sit-ups. These are all exercises you can do for free, on your own, in your bedroom or outside.
QUIET IN THE SPOTLIGHT
HOW TO SHINE IN THE SPOTLIGHT The next time you have to perform for an audience, keep these tips in mind. Don’t worry about whether you’ll survive the spotlight. If you follow these steps, you’re going to shine .
PREPARE: The more work you do beforehand to hone your performance or presentation, the more confident you’ll be in front of your audience. First, master the content. Then start practicing. Test your speech or act in front of the mirror, or make a video of yourself and play it back to see how you’re coming across. Usually you’ll find that you sound and look much better than you think—and this knowledge will make you feel much better.
STUDY THE EXPERTS: If possible, look online for examples of skilled performers in action. Try to find ones who have a similar personal style to yours. Study them. Watch how they stand, move, and alter their voices. But don’t try to be something you’re not. If you have a great sense of humor, use that. But if you’re more serious, there’s no need to turn yourself into a comedian; focus on sharing seriously interesting stories. The key to compelling speaking is being wholly yourself onstage—and having something real to say.
SLOWLY BUILD THE PRESSURE: Start practicing by yourself first, then graduate to a few friends or family members. Each time, ask yourself how anxious you are on a scale of 1 to 10. You should be practicing in the 4 to 6 range, not the 7 to 10 range. If that means testing your speech in front of a stuffed animal instead of a group of people, that’s just fine.
FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF: If possible, visit the space in which you’ll be performing beforehand, whether it’s an auditorium, a classroom, or a new and unfamiliar space. Visualize the crowd. Imagine what it will feel like to have a dozen or even hundreds of eyes on you. If that feels unnerving, try to practice in front of a safe and supportive group of friends or family.
BREATHE: When your moment arrives, take a deep breath before you start, and continue to steal deep, relaxing breaths as you speak, sing, or perform. Suck the air in slowly and deeply, so that it expands your stomach like a balloon. When you exhale, that balloon should deflate. Breathe in through your nose, hold it for as long as feels comfortable, and then let it out through your mouth. This advice might sound corny, but it works!
SMILE: This is one of the simplest but most important tricks. Smiling is a great icebreaker. No matter how nervous or uncomfortable you are, smile at your audience before you start. Remind yourself to smile while you’re speaking, and do it again at the end. This will make you feel more relaxed and confident, and will likely provoke an ego-boosting return smile from someone in the audience.
CONNECT: Establish eye contact with a few friendly members of the audience throughout your presentation. If someone is grimacing or yawning, look away and find a more energetic, engaged member of the audience. Locking eyes with someone who appears to be interested in your speech will do wonders for your confidence.
LOOK OUTWARD: Leading isn’t just about you—it’s about the people you’re leading. Ask yourself, who are they? How can you best serve them? How can you best teach, help, or make them feel comfortable? Remember that they’re there not to judge you. They’re there to learn from you. Think of yourself as a role model who can help them, and introduce them to new ideas!
PREPARE: The more work you do beforehand to hone your performance or presentation, the more confident you’ll be in front of your audience. First, master the content. Then start practicing. Test your speech or act in front of the mirror, or make a video of yourself and play it back to see how you’re coming across. Usually you’ll find that you sound and look much better than you think—and this knowledge will make you feel much better.
STUDY THE EXPERTS: If possible, look online for examples of skilled performers in action. Try to find ones who have a similar personal style to yours. Study them. Watch how they stand, move, and alter their voices. But don’t try to be something you’re not. If you have a great sense of humor, use that. But if you’re more serious, there’s no need to turn yourself into a comedian; focus on sharing seriously interesting stories. The key to compelling speaking is being wholly yourself onstage—and having something real to say.
SLOWLY BUILD THE PRESSURE: Start practicing by yourself first, then graduate to a few friends or family members. Each time, ask yourself how anxious you are on a scale of 1 to 10. You should be practicing in the 4 to 6 range, not the 7 to 10 range. If that means testing your speech in front of a stuffed animal instead of a group of people, that’s just fine.
FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF: If possible, visit the space in which you’ll be performing beforehand, whether it’s an auditorium, a classroom, or a new and unfamiliar space. Visualize the crowd. Imagine what it will feel like to have a dozen or even hundreds of eyes on you. If that feels unnerving, try to practice in front of a safe and supportive group of friends or family.
BREATHE: When your moment arrives, take a deep breath before you start, and continue to steal deep, relaxing breaths as you speak, sing, or perform. Suck the air in slowly and deeply, so that it expands your stomach like a balloon. When you exhale, that balloon should deflate. Breathe in through your nose, hold it for as long as feels comfortable, and then let it out through your mouth. This advice might sound corny, but it works!
SMILE: This is one of the simplest but most important tricks. Smiling is a great icebreaker. No matter how nervous or uncomfortable you are, smile at your audience before you start. Remind yourself to smile while you’re speaking, and do it again at the end. This will make you feel more relaxed and confident, and will likely provoke an ego-boosting return smile from someone in the audience.
CONNECT: Establish eye contact with a few friendly members of the audience throughout your presentation. If someone is grimacing or yawning, look away and find a more energetic, engaged member of the audience. Locking eyes with someone who appears to be interested in your speech will do wonders for your confidence.
LOOK OUTWARD: Leading isn’t just about you—it’s about the people you’re leading. Ask yourself, who are they? How can you best serve them? How can you best teach, help, or make them feel comfortable? Remember that they’re there not to judge you. They’re there to learn from you. Think of yourself as a role model who can help them, and introduce them to new ideas!
Incidental Comics illustrations by Grant Snider
“To participate fully in daily life introverts need to share their ideas as powerfully as they can. This does not mean aping extroverts; ideas can be shared quietly, they can be communicated in writing, they can be packaged into highly produced presentations, they can be advanced by allies. The trick for introverts is to honor their own styles instead of allowing themselves to be swept up by prevailing norms.”
Incidental Comics illustrations by Grant Snider
"Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to."
A MANIFESTO FOR INTROVERTS
1. A quiet temperament is a hidden superpower.
2. There’s a word for “people who are in their heads too much”: thinkers.
3. Most great ideas spring from solitude.
4. You can stretch like a rubber band. You can do anything an extrovert can do, including stepping into the spotlight. There will always be time for quiet later.
5. But even though you’ll need to stretch on occasion, you should return to your true self when you’re done.
6. Two or three close friends mean more than a hundred acquaintances (though acquaintances are great too).
7. Introverts and extroverts are yin and yang—we love and need each other.
8. It’s okay to cross the hallway to avoid small talk.
9. You don’t need to be a cheerleader to lead. Just ask Mahatma Gandhi.
10. Speaking of Gandhi, he said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”